I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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