My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
