her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
