Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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