It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
