Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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