tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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