The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize