3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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