I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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