sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
should my penis look like a turkey
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
