If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
