can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
