party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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