just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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