thus making me awesome and them whores
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
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Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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