Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
