Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i would punch a child for taco bell
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We are two peas in an std pod
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
