I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
