And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
