im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
