My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize