The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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