Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
