Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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