i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
