he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
