I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize