Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
