i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
