I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dicks are not precious.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
