oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
