I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
