He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
