it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
