When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
