I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
tell me about the eggs
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