Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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