OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
