I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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