Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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