$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jerry, you need to find god
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
