you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
