phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
