Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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