I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
