Capitaan dildo arrescate!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
