One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
