VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
