So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
