I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
