i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
