I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
