last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
