got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
