walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
