never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
