im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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