I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
