he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
