Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
