I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
