Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
