I'm eating all of the evidence.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
