took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
