Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
