a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
