Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
